Last weekend, a homicidal homophobe gunned down 50 people at a gay club in Orlando. 50 more were injured. The entire LGBT community has been shaken to its very core. We're all thinking: what if it had been us?
This isn't to say that we're making it all about ourselves and forgetting the victims: it's quite the contrary. Any LGBT person will tell you of the scary and threatening confrontations we've all had. Being followed home at night, angry shouting on the street, stalking, the list goes on and on - and honestly, I'm just wondering how close I was to meeting real violence during any of of those occasions.
If I were to list every negative interaction with a stranger on the street as a result of looking "too gay," then this blog post would be as long as War and Peace. This isn't about recounting all the negativity and harassment, it's about coming to terms with who I am.
About six weeks ago, the @MusoChat account on Twitter had some questions regarding personality and art. I said that I try to downplay mine because I don't want to be compressed into a token "gay composer/musician."
The amazing and supremely wise Sally Whitwell challenged me, saying that being a visible gay musician and composer is important to young artists around the world. The more I thought about Sally's words, the more I started to think that she was right, and I was being scared.
The thing is, homophobia is still rampant in the arts community. I wrote a post about it a couple of weeks ago - people still think it's totally fine to talk about how uncomfortable they are seeing gay couples in classical music groups. Their homophobia is justified and supported by fundamentalist "Christian" groups and toxic, hateful politicians (the same ones offering thoughts and prayers to the victims as they quietly pass anti-LGBT legislation).
It's hard to be "out." You're always having to come out to new people and hope they aren't jerks, especially when you work with them. Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I'm married to the love of my life, a woman who inspires me every day to keep making music, learning, and creating. But I'm going to be more vocal about who I am. I'm going to be braver and meet discrimination with a square jaw and determination. If we are living in a world where there's the kind of hatred that drives someone to murder 50 people because of who they are, then it's a world where I can't be quiet anymore.
To close this out, I want to link y'all to a new song by my friend and fellow Muso, Justin Capps. "Love is Love" is a beautiful homage to LGBT people across the world, all of whom are struggling with the recent tragedy in Orlando.
Click here to listen - you won't regret it.
As a fellow composer I have a slightly similar experience insofar as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (something I have in common with Robert Schumann, Hector Berlioz, Handel, and numerous other composers). While I was in college and university there were always members of my class - or faculty - who were gay, and I could never understand why this was an issue to anyone. We were in the "artistic community" - it was just the way people were. In university, one of the most beloved choral professors died of AIDS. I knew him personally; he was the sweetest, most generous spirit you could ever hope to meet. When people whispered about "what he was" I'd get angry - he was a great musician and, more importantly, he was a human - just like all of us.
ReplyDeleteI've never understood why any of this should be an issue to others. What does your relationship with your wife/husband/partner have to do with me? Any answer beyond NOTHING is the wrong. I've never encountered a situation where someone from the LGBT community has forced someone (of any persuasion [stupid term]) to marry - or get into bed with - someone they weren't in love with. Have you? Of course not. It doesn't happen.
At a concert where a piece I'd composed for solo viola was being performed another composer was present. We were talking and she introduced herself as Deidre Piper. I replied, "Gee, I know of a Doctor David Piper who is also a composer, are you related?"
She smiled at me, "Well, actually, I am him." Awkward silence as she looked at my reaction. The violist was standing there, looking horrified. He hadn't realized that I didn't know about Deirdre. How would I have known? She taught at the other university in town.
So, I asked her if I could look at her composition, and she looked at mine. She had a PhD in composition, I was just finishing my B.Mus; she had some lovely things to say about my work - and I had an opportunity to look at her piece, which was really impressive. That was also when I found out that the viola player was gay ... I had not known, and I had not cared. What difference did it make? It wasn't as though it changed the way he bowed, or interpreted the piece he'd commissioned from me.
It's time we lived up to the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. and started judging people by the "Content of their character rather than the color of their skin, [or anything else pertaining to their lives]."
Hate is not a laudable human characteristic, and should definitely be considered a form of mental illness.
Thanks for posting this, and my apologies for going on for so long.