Street Harassment and Music - What's the Connection?

This photo is from our wedding - AWW.

The other day, as my partner and I walked home from a friend's house, I briefly squeezed her hand. It was a mistake - as soon as I did, a car driving by blared the horn at us and yelled sexual slurs out the window. But it doesn't matter if we look "together" or not, the street harassment is the same. Could popular music be part of the reason why street harassment is such an epidemic?
Some people have tried to tell me that our recent experiences in harassment can be boiled down to where we live (North London, at the moment). Unfortunately, that cannot be the reason, as we have experienced harassment and borderline assault in every country we have lived in, together, on our own, and with other people (though not usually in the presence of a male friend or family member - ODD, THAT).

On a trip to Wisconsin Dells when I was probably about 10 or 11, a group of us (all the same age) were walking from one hotel room to another, when a group of men yelled at us to "Come and see the sausage party" in their rooms.

In Chicago, where I grew up, cars slowing to follow me as I walked to school started as early as age 12. Every woman I know has a story like this from when they were young - I am not an anomaly. When I was 15, a friend and I were walking along in a residential neighborhood when a car full of fully grown adult men followed us in their car, yelling sexually charged comments at us through their open windows.

And do you know what - it only gets worse if you are a lesbian. The men who harass women on the street are also very likely to respect the presence of a male partner, but never the presence of a female partner; that just means he gets more "bang for his buck," so to speak.

On a trip to Chicago to see family and friends, my partner and I were cornered on an afternoon train home by a man who had managed to figure out that we were together. "Mmm, yeah, that's sexy - I'd like to get in the middle of that." Ignoring him didn't help - he just kept on saying sexual things to us. Saying "Sorry, we're pretty tired..." didn't stop him either - he kept staring at us, licking his lips and continuing the comments. Moving to another train car also didn't help - he got up and followed us through the door. The only thing that did help was another passenger tracking down a conductor to tell him about the harassment, who then kicked him off at the next stop.

In Texas, we were too intimidated to go out on our own very often, without a group of friends, as a woman in the next town over was dragged behind a truck, raped, and killed when a group of men learned she was a lesbian just a few months prior.

In Vancouver, we dealt with a man chasing us down the street and blocking our way across the crosswalk because he wanted to tell us how sexy we were and how much he wanted a piece of us. On a different occasion, a group of men followed us to the bus stop on our way home from a friend's apartment on the nice side of town, asking us how we have sex and how they could get in on it. I was genuinely afraid that night, my heart pounding in my chest and getting louder every block they followed us.

At a different bus stop in Vancouver, a man got in my partner's face and made kissing noises and tried to grab her, before she told him to get away from her before she called the police.

And after all of this, people still want to tell me that street harassment is "a compliment." Here's a hint - it definitely is not a compliment.

A compliment would be: "You two look lovely together, what a cute couple!" Or perhaps: "You two look absolutely adorable together!"

Following people to their bus stops and harassing them on the street with sexual and aggressive language is not a compliment.

So why does this culture of entitlement come from? Where does the idea that this behavior is acceptable begin? Certainly we are not born this way.

With songs that advocate violence, we create an environment where harassment and abuse of women is normalized and commonplace. When we listen to songs like "Love the Way You Lie," with lyrics that say "If she ever tries to leave again, I'm gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire," we submit to the idea that violence against women is totally unavoidable and something romantic rather than the mark of an abusive sociopath.

When "Blurred Lines" says "I know you want it," a woman's opposition to harassment is ignored, because she totally wants it even though she's saying no, right? And before you say, "Yeah, but no one actually thinks like that," I'm going to stop you, because yes, they definitely do. This kind of language is why millions of women have been date-raped, harassed, and assaulted, because he'd been taught that when women say no, they actually mean yes.

The problem is that songs like these are nothing new. There will always be songs that challenge a woman's right to refuse advances or call for violence against women (or one specific woman). The problem is that these songs will keep getting written and produced as long as they keep making money. Even with the glorious backlash against Robin Thicke, he still made an immense amount of money from "Blurred Lines," and continues to make money with his new Album, "Paula."

The sad truth remains that unless we rise up and reject this kind of media, things will never change. Unless the people that can are calling about abuse against the people who cannot fight back for fear of violence and retribution, the cycle will continue and another generation will grow to adulthood with the belief that street harassment is acceptable.

It is not acceptable.